Daffodils

I was finally online at the same time as my best friend in LA.  She recently lost her husband so we're both mourning for those close to us.  While writing to me, she told me she'd been hearing my mom's voice very clearly.  She said that mom was saying that she could hear me and that I should talk to her.  She also gave my friend the impression that she loved me but that I knew it. 

It's so comforting to know that (I don't care if you don't believe) mom can hear me.  I can't express the inner joy and peace I felt when she told me this.  I hear stories from friends about the signs their lost one has left for them and the presence they feel and I am jealous as I don't feel them.  I WANT to feel my mother by my side as it would be so comforting.  So to hear her speak to my friend is just so nice.  So I told mom outloud that I love her and that I will talk to her, which I admit I haven't done a lot of.  I will try to do better. 

On another note, mom's 66th birthday was on March 22nd.  I asked friends and family to play Mustang Sally and to dance to remember mom or anyone else they know who is fighting or fought cancer.  So at 11:55am (the time that mom passed), Rob and I danced with Jacob to Mustang Sally, which was difficult for me to do fully in my grief, but I did my best.  Halfway through the song, I look out our window and I see daffodils growing in two of our window boxes, which I hadn't seen before.  Now I KNOW it's daffodil season, but I choose to take it as a gift from my mother who knows that daffodils are my favorite flower as a sign that she liked the music and the dancing for her birthday. 

So, while I'm sad and will remain sad for a long time that mom is longer of this world, I am so thankful that she's reaching out to me, trying to let me know that she's still there and still loves me.