Unhappy Mouth

UGH!  I have been suffering with mouth issues for the past week!  A week ago Sunday I could feel that I was going to get one of those things I call tongue zits...those little white raised bumps that hurt like h3ll!  So I was prepared to deal with one... ONE.  But no, something must be wrong with my chemistry at the moment, because come Wednesday, I'd say there were 4.  And the next day, one would be fading and another one would pop up. 

Yesterday I counted 5 on my tongue and a canker sore on my upper gum.  They make it very difficult to talk and the tip of my tongue feels kind of burnt and raw.  I had some aloe juice drink at dinner last night, and that was just lovely on my tongue, but then the drink was gone and the darned spots weren't. 

I tried that liquid that stings then makes all the pain go away.  That helped for a few minutes.  And I tried a gel... but the gels don't really stick to a saliva producing machine like a tongue.  I've been gargling with diluted TCP for the past couple days, but that just tastes nasty and makes me smell like TCP... yeck.  

I just got another gel today, Bonjela and that is definitely working better on my canker sore and slightly on my tongue.  And today my tongue feels like they are all starting to fade.  Was it the vitamins I took last night?  If so, I have GOT to remember to take them nightly! I sure as heck hope it's not in response to the new Tesco diet I'm on!  I'm going to guess that it's not as I started that on Wednesday. 

But even as I feel the tongue zits fading, I can feel another canker sore popping up RIGHT NEXT to the other one! REALLY!?!? 

Has anyone else ever had this happen to them?  If they're not gone totally in the next few days, Dr. H will be receiving a visit from yours truly.  Of course she'll probably say to keep doing what I'm doing and then bill me 70 euro.  Ugh.  Please send on your mouth healing vibes!

My Pants

I remember when I was first pregnant, I read a ton of books.  And one of the books talked about maternity underwear.  The book said that maternity underwear is MUCH more comfortable for you as your bump gets bigger and for a couple months after the birth of the baby.  So I went out and got the biggest pairs of maternity underpants that Motherhood had. 

And they were right.  Maternity underwear was significantly more comfortable.  And the continued to be after the baby was born.  But it's been almost a year now... and I still find them more comfortable.  My lower half has changed and these pants seem to be the ones that understand me best.  They allow for the extra down there.  I do still have a lot of weight to lose, and I think that as I lose that weight (started my Tesco Diet plan today!) the old underpants will become more comfortable again... but I wonder if I will always have a soft spot for those maternity pants. 

Croup

Jake and I had a nice skype session with Grandpa Nick last night.  But then as Jake was waving night night to dad, he coughed a few times and dad asked me how Jake's doing.  That was the first cough I'd heard so I figured it was just a tickle.  Well, we wake up this morning to a chesty baby with loud stridor (noisy breathing).  So we decide to take him into the doctors.  Turns out he has a mild case of croup, which is viral.  So no antibiotics.  Just steam him and don't let him over-heat and if he gets a fever, then call back.  But she feels he'll be fine for his next set of innoculations for Friday... and as we're WAY behind because he's been sick on and off, I'm hoping he sticks with the no fever thing so he can get these shots done and dusted. 

But as usual, Jake is just as happy as can be.  Aside from his breathing being loud every once in a while, you wouldn't know he's a bit sick.  So, we'll keep an eye on him and hopefully he'll be right as rain soon.

Daffodils

I was finally online at the same time as my best friend in LA.  She recently lost her husband so we're both mourning for those close to us.  While writing to me, she told me she'd been hearing my mom's voice very clearly.  She said that mom was saying that she could hear me and that I should talk to her.  She also gave my friend the impression that she loved me but that I knew it. 

It's so comforting to know that (I don't care if you don't believe) mom can hear me.  I can't express the inner joy and peace I felt when she told me this.  I hear stories from friends about the signs their lost one has left for them and the presence they feel and I am jealous as I don't feel them.  I WANT to feel my mother by my side as it would be so comforting.  So to hear her speak to my friend is just so nice.  So I told mom outloud that I love her and that I will talk to her, which I admit I haven't done a lot of.  I will try to do better. 

On another note, mom's 66th birthday was on March 22nd.  I asked friends and family to play Mustang Sally and to dance to remember mom or anyone else they know who is fighting or fought cancer.  So at 11:55am (the time that mom passed), Rob and I danced with Jacob to Mustang Sally, which was difficult for me to do fully in my grief, but I did my best.  Halfway through the song, I look out our window and I see daffodils growing in two of our window boxes, which I hadn't seen before.  Now I KNOW it's daffodil season, but I choose to take it as a gift from my mother who knows that daffodils are my favorite flower as a sign that she liked the music and the dancing for her birthday. 

So, while I'm sad and will remain sad for a long time that mom is longer of this world, I am so thankful that she's reaching out to me, trying to let me know that she's still there and still loves me. 

C Word

My boss told me she has given up all foods that begin with C for Lent.  I think this is brilliant as just about everything we love to eat starts with C:

Chips
Chocolate
Candy
Cola
Crisps

Oh, and of course Crap. 
Of course we're thinking now of when we'll have baby number 2, but I'd really like to lose 40 pounds before that happens.  I suppose I should go on the No C's diet. :)  I was thinking I'd like to be pregnant before I turn 35, though, and that's September, so I'm not sure how much of this 40 pounds I can get off by then.  Better get on it!

A Continuation of Bra Drama

I am amazed at how many ladies are in mourning over the Lane Bryant soft cup Cacique bra as well.  Thank you all for commenting.  I would love to hear from more ladies about any OTHER bras that they have found that fit really well.... no wires please!

On that note, I thought I would share my FAVORITE sports bra.  In the past I've done quite a bit of musical theater and in some of those shows I had to bounce around and dance a lot.  Now, anyone with a larger chest will know that bouncing around is NOT fun... and can be painful.  So I got myself an ENELL bra.  This is the most heavy duty, kick ass bra I have ever worn.  I am a 46 DDD/E and when I put on my Enell, those puppies don't move a damn bit.  LOVE IT!  I was worried because they can cost a pretty penny, but it was worth every cent.  I didn't have to worry about boob-concussion once.

My ONLY beef with the bra is I would like it to be a LITTLE more low cut just for comfort.  They do run pretty high cut, so if you want to wear it underneath a cute shirt, it'll probably peek out.  But for the gym, or dancing, etc, it doesn't really matter.

If you need some giggles, though, check out the Enell bra site here.  Just watch the show of all the pretty skinny ladies in their Enell bras working out... playing basketball, etc.  Tee hee! Can you IMAGINE yourself playing basketball in just a BRA!  I know that many women will work out in just a sports bra... but the Enell bra still LOOKS like a bra... shiny fabric and all.  No sir, not gonna wear that in full view of anyone.  :)

Sick Baby

Well, Jake has officially had his first illness requiring antibiotics.  He has tonsilitis.  Poor baby!  And his eating has taken a step back since anything lumpy may trigger coughing which will trigger vomiting.  :(  But he's still happy and squealy and awesome. 

And everything is just crazy lately.  I'm stressed with the contract work for my old job I'm doing... writing a manual which is SO stressful and I don't know how I'll get it done before next Friday.  And my gospel choir is getting ready for next Sunday's Haiti benefit, so there's that as well.  So the house has taken it's toll and Rob's sick so neither of us have been any good lately.  I guess I can only do what I can do, right?  So I'm just blabbering at the moment before going to bed. 

On the bright side, I found a lovely vintage hat at Oxfam for 15 euro.  Now if I could only find a lovely dress to go with it for Juan and Helena's wedding next month.  The problem with that is that Evans, pretty much the only place I can shop in Ireland, has decided it's idea of "dresses" this season are really just slightly long shirts that you are supposed to wear leggings with.  Yea, not gonna happen.  Fat people shouldn't even wear leggings in public, I don't know what Evan's is thinking selling them to us!  And then not having ANYTHING appropriate for a wedding.  UGH!  My only other best option is Ann Harvey which is must more Mother of the Bride stuff.  But I haven't given up yet... but just give me a couple weeks. :)

One of Those Nights

Well, Jake's keeping us on our toes this week.  We started off 2am Monday morning with a 100.1 fever, which kept him from daycare for the day.  Come to find out yesterday evening... he's got tooth number 3!  I'm kinda guessing they're related.  :)

Last night, daddy got home around 6:45 and Jake started getting snarky about 7.  I thought "teething" so I gave him stuff for that, but it didn't seem to help at all.  So then I though "bottle" which he wouldn't take.  So then I thought "food."  Gave him some dinner and that seemed to calm him... until about an hour and a half after bed time when he started throwing it all back up again.  So maybe we had an upset belly on our hands.  Well, 5 pukes, 4 crib sheet changes, and 3 pj changes later (he was up for some of the pukes so he missed his bed and clothes), we had ourselves and exhausted little boy who just wanted to SLEEP.  He'd pass out inbetween pukes, so we'd put him to bed and it'd start 20 minutes later.  I'm really thinking it was something he ate.  BUT, come 1am it seemed to have resolved, so daddy and I took the leaf of faith and went to sleeeeeep.

I tell ya guys, I think we're pretty lucky.  His pukey night starts at 9:45 and ends just after midnight?  Wow.

So today we're keeping him home from daycare, just in case.  I'm trying to keep him on his daycare schedule (first nap at 9:30, second at 2:30) but I wasn't sure how he'd do considering I let him sleep him.  but so far, no noise from the crib.  We'll see!

So back to work!  Gotta get done what I can while he's sleeping! I also need to start looking at travel cots.  I'm kinda in love with the Samsonite travel pods.  SO cute!!

Natural Yogurt and Weetabix

I was a doofus last night. I went to town to meet up with a friend for coffee. Yes, I brought a bottle of sterile water, but no, I failed to bring FORMULA! Ugh! And I only brought one jar of food. But the beauty of Jake growing up, is that he can start eating people food now. So I bought a pear cinnamon muffin and let him have crumbly bits (cringe for the sugar, I know). But I figured that wouldn't be enough to get him home, so we grabbed some Yoplait natural yogurt (full fat milk, low sugar content) and a package of Weetabix (kind of like Shredded Wheat, but flaky and turns to mush really easily... great for babies). On the LUAS home, I cracked open both packages, crushed some Weetabix into the yogurt and started feeding the baby.

Not long after I noticed a smell wafting up from the baby. Ugh! Jake! Again! We had JUST changed his nappy (I'm in Ireland now so I use nappy instead of diaper). The whole way home, I'm feeding Jake and smelling his nasty poo. I was really nervous it'd leak out of his nappy, but as this was a metro full enough of people who wouldn't want to witness a Jake Toxic Poo (JTP). So there was not much I could do but hope the JTP wouldn't leak and we'd make it home to change him before disaster struck.

We're about 3/4's of the way home when Jake has had enough yogurt, so I pass the pot over to Rob. Jake's starting to get snarky (closin in on bed time) so I start tickling him to make him giggle. As I'm doing that, Rob says, 'Jen, are you sure you didn't smell this?' and he holds up the pot of yogurt. I take it back and lean over for a big sniff. Sure enough, I got a nosefull of JTP! Apparently JTP's smell exactly like natural yogurt! Who knew!

I remember watching a Brainiac episode a few years ago where blindfolded mother's identified their babies stinky nappies by smell only. I totally understand that now that I'm a mom. But I didn't expect his poo to smell like a real food!

So any one else out there have a baby with foody smelling poo? Just curious.

Back in the Dub

Well, Jacob and I successfully made it back to Dublin all by ourselves. Well, that's not quite true. While this WAS my first trip with Jake without daddy or a friend by our sides, I can't say I was totally by myself. There was the law student from Columbia University who helped me get Jake and our luggage on and off the Syracuse to La Guardia flight. Then the Hasidic Jewish family that were God-sends from La Guardia to Philadelphia. This was followed by Mikey and her husband who helped me on the plane to Dublin, Kimmy who helped me off, the Boston student coming to learn in Dublin for a semester who helped me get in and out of my seat to use the loo, and Nils (my friend Joy's husband and father to Jake's first girlfriend Zelia) who picked us up and got us up to the apartment! So no, I was never by myself.

I was really impressed by how people from all walks of life chose to lend a hand to help out a mom travelling with her son alone. It's a testimony to the human spirit that we aren't all THAT bad. In fact, we all have some redeeming qualities and I am so extremely grateful for everyone's help.

On a totally fat person note... the US Air seats on the flight from Philly to Dublin were pretty good. The armrests all went up, including the one on the aisle! Sweet.

Yellow Tulip Smile

Just wanted to show off my mom a bit, and her yellow tulip smile.

While preparing for mom's wake and funeral, I did some research on flowers and their meanings. The meaning of yellow tulips is 'there is sunshine in your smile.' Well, the one thing everyone says about mom is that her smile is amazing. So I now think of it as a yellow tulip smile.

Been a long while

Hi y'all,

Sorry I haven't posted in quite a long time, but I have very good reasons. In November, I headed to New Orleans for a convention. My parents came to watch the baby. During this time, mom got sick and we took her to the hospital (she was being treated for ovarian/peritoneal cancer). Long story short, I drove back to NY with her and dad and decided to stay home until after Christmas. After a couple other hospital visits, mom was told she had a puncture in her bowel and if they did surgery, she had less than a 50% chance of surviving due to her reduced blood pressure. Also, there was no treatment that was working, so doing a surgery like this was not necessarily recommended, since she'd just have to do it over and over. So she took the alternative option and decided to have the time to say goodbye to her family and close friends. Mom passed away on December 21, 2009 at 11:55 am. I have spent the past couple months upkeeping her caringbridge blog, and ignoring this one. (www.caringbridge.org/visit/jojo44)

So now the storm has calmed, for the most part. I'm still in NY with dad and Jacob, but will be heading back to Dublin on Wednesday. Unfortunately, all the work I had done to be more comfortable in that bulkhead row has been in vain... I've gained it all back and then some.... partially the trip to New Orleans, partially the holidays and partially mom's illness. I'm starting to feel my own mortality, now having lost my mother way too young. I worry for Jake, that he will lose either myself or Rob too young too.... but for us because we are too overweight. I hope that Rob and I can use this to get our arses in gear and get healthy. We'd like to sometime in the near future start planning for Jake's sibling, but it'll be a difficult road if I don't get at least some of this weight off first.